Meta
by Tigeroo
Summary: Alex and Olivia discuss the whole kerfuffle about the upcoming episode 11x13. Pure silliness, crack fic


I decided to fight silliness with more silliness (those of you who have seen the previews for this week's episode know what I'm talking about). So this is a little something to make you laugh a little about the current crazyness that some people call SVU. Hope you enjoy!

Oh, and my muse would be delighted to get a little feedback and wants to thank all of you who have been so kind as to review the latest ficlets.

**Spoilers: **previews, bubbletweets and interviews concerning 11x13 (most can be found on youtube)

* * *

"Liv! Liv? Liv, honey, wake up!"

Olivia awoke up with a start, her heart racing, her t-shirt soaked with cold sweat. She looked up into blue concerned eyes, her hands shaking.

"Shhh, sweetheart, everything's alright, it was just a bad dream," her blond girlfriend told her, rubbing the quivering tummy of the usually unshakable detective soothingly.

Liv took a deep breath. "Oh Alex, you wouldn't believe the nightmare I just had!"

Alex smiled lovingly. "Well, judging by your terrified squeaks it must have been horrible."

"It was," Olivia solemnly agreed before squeaking indignantly, "hey, I don't squeak!"

Alex decided now was a good time to bite her tongue and stifle her laughter. "Uhum, sure hon... So, what was your dream about?"

"Urgh..." Olivia shuddered. "I dreamed we were TV characters."

"Oh," Alex exclaimed excitedly. "Romance? Mystery? Comedy?"

The brunette shook her head vigorously. "No, no, we were us. But on TV."

The ADA furrowed her brows. "Who would watch a crime show about sex crimes for fun?"

Olivia shrugged. "Beats me... Anyway, ratings were falling and..."

"What do you mean ratings were falling," Alex interrupted disgustedly. "How could people not watch a show where the leading detective and the smart ADA are getting it on?"

Olivia cringed. "Because they weren't..."

A confused look crossed the blonde's features. "Who wasn't what?"

"We. The two of us. On the show we weren't together. I mean, people were gossiping about us, and there was some subtext, but apparently my character also had 'chemistry' with Elliot," Olivia explained.

Alex looked appalled. "That's creepy."

"Told you it was a nightmare," Olivia agreed. "Anyway, ratings were falling so they started bringing in tons of guest stars and to appease the lesbian fan base they decided to do a lesbian centric episode."

The attorney clapped her hands. "So we finally got together?"

Olivia snorted. "Nahh, they got Kathy Griffin to appear as a lesbian."

Alex frowned. "The redhead?"

The older woman nodded. "That's the one. So Kathy, or should I say Babs Duffy as she was called on the show was..."

"Why are all famous guest-bians called Duffy? Remember when Xena was on the L Word?" Alex inquired.

Olivia rolled her eyes at the blonde. "I don't know Alex. Maybe my subconscious came up with it _because_ of Lucy Lawless... But back to 'our' TV show. So Babs was supposed to hit on me..."

"No way!" the lawyer squeaked. "They are not messing with my woman!"

"Hon, relax, it was just a dream," Olivia soothed her seething girlfriend. "I would never go for a redhead after spending so much time with Casey..."

Alex narrowed her eyes at the mention of her former replacement and Liv hurriedly continued her story.

"And I didn't appreciate it when she kissed me..."

"Casey kissed you?" Alex fumed.

"NO!" Olivia exclaimed. "Babs kissed me. On the TV show."

"Oh, OK. Still don't like it..." Alex grumbled. "I hope you told her that you were spoken for."

"Actually," Olivia hedged "I told her I was straight."

The attorney let out a delighted laugh. "That's precious! Like you'd fool anyone."

Olivia looked grim. "Oh believe me, THAT Olivia was straight. Or at least she was so far in the closet that she could play rummy with the White Witch. She left Babs' apartment like her tail was on fire and made a comment that left the lesbian community online quite unhappy."

Alex shook her head. "What a mess."

Olivia nodded. "And you don't even know half of it. The kiss never aired. They showed it on some previews, there were interviews with the actors online, and the producer was tweeting daily just to stir the audience's interest and attract attention, but it all backfired. Alex/Olivia shippers and other lesbian fans were outraged that the writers and actors killed even the slightest ambiguity about my sexuality and Elliot/Olivia fans were freaked out that I was "sullying the lips reserved to the almighty Stabler by kissing a woman because 'there's no way she's gay'... So the kiss was cut."

"Oh Liv," Alex hugged her girlfriend tightly. "What a dream. No wonder you sq... sweat so much."

"Hmm," Olivia agreed, forgetting all about the stupid dream when she eyed her lover's lips and leaned up to kiss the blonde soundly.

"Uhm hon," Alex moved her head a little out of reach. "Would you terribly mind brushing you teeth."

Olivia looked slightly offended. "You said you didn't mind morning breath when it came to kissing me."

"Oh no Liv, I don't. It's just that..." the attorney blushed, embarrassed by her own feelings. "I just keep thinking about your alter ego kissing Kathy Griffin or Elliot and that's just gross."

Olivia looked a little green at the thought. "Oh god, I'll be back in a sec."

The brunette kept word and two minutes later a blonde and a brunette were furiously making out in all their minty fresh glory.

--

"Marish?"

"Chris, what are you doing in my trailer?"

"You fell asleep. Neal wanted me to tell you that we continue in five minutes. Oh, and good dream? I heard squeaking..."


End file.
